How Zeta Gave Me Strength

            Majority of sorority girls, when asked, will be glad to tell you why their sorority has had an impact on their lives. Most will respond with a tale of sisterhood, love, and care. Sororities are organizations that foster connections, and close friendships. But for me, Zeta Tau Alpha has proved itself to be much more than just a network, but a family that stood by me in my time of need.
            It was a Thursday night in early September. I was in the middle of getting ready to go out with my sisters, and was in a heated debate on the pros and cons of my new LBD when I got a call from my mom. I knew something was off in that moment- my mom never called late on Thursdays, especially when she knew I was going to be out with my friends. And she wasn’t ever a big caller- she was a texter that loved her emojis. Needless to say, I was uneasy as I answered the phone.
            “Don’t say anything to your sister,” Were her first words. “But, Ashley has leukemia. No one knows yet, but I thought you should know.”

PC '13 Alaina Smith (right) with her
cousin Ashley Wiltsey (left)

            Ashley Wiltsey. My favorite cousin, and childhood best friend- as soon as I moved to Texas, we were inseparable. She was a 21 year old senior at Stephen F. Austin, studying biology. She was absolutely hysterical, beautiful, and had the sweetest soul I had ever met. There was no way she had cancer- I had just spent time with her, laughing about guys, and comparing running techniques.
            The next few hours were a blur- there were many tears, unanswered questions, and no sleep to be found. Once the sky had turned reasonably bright, I sent out a text to the one person I felt I could count on in that chaotic moment- my New Member Chair, Ashley Allison.
            She responded immediately, and met with me at the Zeta house. It was a conversation that gave me peace and hope. I immediately felt the comfort and love of my sisters; the next chapter meeting, the news of my cousin’s diagnosis was announced, and the flood of love and support that followed was astounding. The reminder of my sisters’ prayers helped me deal with the craziness of my mom staying in Dallas for Ashley’s treatment, while my dad and sister and I stayed in Austin, my brother living far away in New York... But, it wasn’t until 12 days later when I realized how much I emotionally needed my family- including my sorority sisters.
            On Tuesday, September 24^th my sweet cousin Ashley Wiltsey went back to God only 12 days after her diagnosis of Leukemia. It was due to a cerebral hemorrhage caused from the complications of the cancer, and her chemotherapy drugs. I can’t come to sort out or describe the feelings that followed in the week after- the absolute despair I wallowed in, the panic I felt walking into the funeral of the cousin I didn’t truly believe was gone, the hopelessness of seeing my aunt and uncle sob uncontrollably.  After the funeral, the time I spent with my family was bittersweet- we had some closure, but we couldn’t shake the feeling of loss and grief, even as we showered each other with love. We were apprehensive about leaving each other- leaving the only support system we had that understood all of the shock and sadness.
            But, as soon as I walked into the Zeta house that Monday, I knew. I knew I hadn’t left my sole support system behind- it was right there in front of me. 250 plus girls, all willing to give me the understanding and sympathy only a true sister could give. From ice cream dates to cry-fests, my sisters helped me to start healing. And I think that circumstances like this are the ones that are meant to be- I was given so many awesome sisters to deal with the loss of one amazing cousin. My cousin never did join a sorority, but she was so proud of me that I did.
            It’s the little moments in the day that I live for- the moments where I’m laughing with my sisters, cracking jokes in the chapter room, or going to mixers during the week. I can always picture her right next to me, laughing her infectious laugh, making fun of the frat guys, or rolling her eyes at my dumb jokes.
            Everyday has been a journey since Ashley left me, but everyday it gets a little easier. I can honestly say that without Texas Zeta, I would be still dwelling in the first steps of grief, but because of the amazing women I am surrounded by, I know that I can get through this period of mourning. Because of the amazing women I am around, I know that there is a light at the end of this tunnel. Ashley might be gone, but I know now that I am living for both of us- and I can’t imagine a better way to honor her than to live my life to the fullest, surrounded by the love I have for my sisters.
            To my sisters, I want to say thank you. Thank you for everything you’ve given me. You are all amazing people, with strong spirits and warm hearts. I couldn’t imagine my life without every single one of you. Whether it’s the happiest of days, or the saddest, I will always be proud to be one of you. ZLAM.
            There is a Native American proverb that goes, “They are not dead who live in the hearts they leave behind.” I absolutely agree- and even though my heart might hurt, I know that her memory lives on inside of it. It’s not goodbye, it’s see you later. Rest in Peace, Ash. I love you. 11.30.91-9.24.2013

ZLAM,
Alaina Smith PC '13

R.I.P. Ashley Wiltsey